Well its done. I’m back at my parents with more stuff that can ever possibly fit in this room.
Last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind. No matter how much online protection there was i wasnt prepare for him turning up at my house…with flowers…and small child (oh manipulation – couldn’t possibly have the guts to turn up by yourself in case of rejection) that was hard, it was very much going through the motions and i took my moments to spend my last time with that lovely little boy. I’ll miss him a lot.
CG left in a strop I’m not really sure why. I think he wanted me to stop him, i didn’t.
He has seen me posting on the F&F group and asked what i was doing. I didn’t want to talk about it in front of the little boy but told him about it the next day and how amazing the support is. He said he wanted to get involved in it but unfortunately it was on Friday night so no groups and none over the weekend and by Monday he had lost interest. But he did read some of what people had written on my journal and commented how good it was to hear people that thought the same was as him. Not enough to truely engage in the process.
Then for a few days i had my perfect bf from months ago back. Free from drink, free from gambling, free from stress and with money still in his back pocket the day before payday. It was really good to see him like that again and not just miserable and dragged down.
And then he went camping with his friends for the weekend. It was his bday present from them so back on the booze for the whole weekend and ended up in a casino (he has never been to a casino in the entire time I’ve known him, so why do that now). He assured me he didn’tbetthankyouverymuch and it was the only place to get a drink that late on.
But obviously two days of drinking and not much sleep have taken their toll and he is back to miseryland. No interest in helping me move, no interest in saying goodbye. Fine. At least i know what i meant now…
There’s no point in us talking anymore. He is 150miles away so that’s all nails in the coffin. Shame it ended that way. I don’t think he thinks thats the last he will see of me (he invited me to the beach later this week). And obviously I’m the bad guy. I quit my job and my home without consulting him (i did speak to him) and I’ve been too hastey and i will regret what I’ve done. It makes me question whether i was clear enough about why i needed to leave, but his behaviour the last few weeks makes me think he gets it, but at then end of the day a CG can’t blame themselves.
Time to live my life free from an addiction that isn’t mine x