That’s such an amazing post BU. You are talking a lot there about mindfulness. The work on attachment is so true. I am only now coming to hard conclusions about my ability to connect with people and how I attach to them. I always thought I was sorted, but for the last 20 years have lurched from one crises to another and am now in the biggest crises of my life.
I know what I have to do, but getting the strength to do it is so hard. I just want to wallow in self pity, but that will take me nowhere. But the strength to climb out of this pit is insane. I feel like digging myself deeper.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and answer, it means such a lot. I know you have experience of medical issues, so I take what you say very seriously. My big problem is that I am finding it hard to motivate myself to finish the jobs I have to finish, as there is nothing at the end of them. The gamblong last year has seen to that. I hate that I have not been able to give us. Sure I am 8 days in now, and I intend to stay away from gambling, but I am craving it like a drug right now. That it will make all mt worries go away for a while – and that is true. But I knowthey will be there for me afterwards, with avengeance.
I think I am very sick mentally, and the fact I have to keep working is not helping. I do not ake care of myself, eat every couple of days or so, do not excercise and am smoking a lot again. I am slowly killing myself.
This has to stop somewhere – a stand has to be taken.
Lots of love
M