No problem – felt like sharing tonight. I’ve spent so much time reading all the posts on here it’s important we all share our stories and thoughts on any progress.
I can’t relate to therapy – it sounds like you have been through the wringer. I can relate to the loss and self loathing however. 2 years ago I had a level of financial comfort and security I can now only dream of, and I have spent so much of the last few months focusing on that it just got me so damn depressed. But what did I continue to do?? Gamble! and lose more! then feel more depressed, etc etc.
That’s why I feel this disease is so insidious. I know it’s hard but try and move forward. I loved this book because it just changed my perspective on the whole damn thing. It made me realise it’s all in my head. Once I chose to stop thinking about gambling the same way, my thoughts changed almost instantly.
In all my years, I feel like this is real change and progress. I might be wrong, who knows. But I know I will never think about gambling the same way again and that’s important. Because we only keep doing the same thing when we think about it the same way. It’s just a bad habit that we associate with a good time or stress relief – nothing more. We just need to flip it.
Becareful of the self loathing. It will turn into depression and that can linger a long time. Depression can skew your sense of the past – you keep thinking about what could have been and if only and it becomes destructive. Remember you are totally in control of yourself right now at this point. It’s the millimeters in life that make all the different. The small choices you make now will tangent out into large impacts in the future.
Make the choice now to accept the loss and move forward. To set goals and focus on the future. Things won’t be like this forever, in time things WILL get better – it’s inevitable, but only if you make the right choices. You know better than anyone what those are.