Thank you both. Vera, your spot on. All illnesses are rooted in the emotions and life experience . This is so uncomfortable when I know I have done this to myself! I am also aware that my deep depression caused by gambling has not done me any favours physically. I have had a spiritual practice since I was 23 but this went to pot when I started gambling and the meetings are not held any more. This was non religious but it definitely saved me at age 23 when I was in a lot of trouble . I practiced this from 23 to 56 and it served me well pre gambling. But i have done a 360 degree turn as I realised that every time I had wandered off on my own devices I get into trouble. I also recognise sin in our lives whereas new agey stuff doesn’t recognise this at all. I do and I also recognise Jesus as my lord and saviour. New agey stuff focuses on I am as in we can be God and manifest whatever we desire ala the secret. I think this is misguided. we are not God but have God within us We are flawed human beings. This isnt a religious discussion incidentally but part of my path In trusting and understanding myhigher power, particularly as everything I believed in has only just recently proved to be false coinciding with.my recent conversion . Butihad lost my faith anyway with the pain and problems post surgery. Yes, my spiritual counsellor,who I saw just once for intercession suggested alpha. It was clear that this was a one off session. I was Ok with God before the cancer but not in the same way as I view things now. I really asked to to be shown a way to live life well. had always been quite bohemian and liberal as in anything goes as long as it doesn’t harm another human being, but very conformist career wise. The personal and the professional persona were miles apart and I struggled with this. I recognise I am not unique in this. And Vera, I like your words, disordered spirituality, that is exactly what my faith had become. I used God all the time in gambling to save me like I was texting him… Which is faith misplaced and disordered. I get free will. Thanks for your lovely words Vera. I Anita moorjanis book dying to be me, when she died of cancers dcameba khealed, she said that she saw why this had happened to her. It was it from God, but her emotional state and fears that had caused it. Ithinki better practice at being happy, seems the only way to be… to keep yourself well. Thanks both, I kinda get it!
