I have had good days and bad. Lately seems mostly bad.
I will have to go to trial for the divorce. He is fighting me on every little thing. He has made it so that he stays in the same home as me and the kids until either mediation in a month or trial in two to three months.
I have never felt more alone and just sad. I have amazing neighbors and friends in my neighborhood that have prayed for me and helped me with Christmas. My dad is helping with legal bills even though I didn’t have enough money to drive and visit him for the holidays. I feel awful that I haven’t seen my parents since they both had heart surgery. I stayed with them in the hospital, but since then I haven’t seen them.
With my husband and regards to him taking an allowance,
There was no gaining control of our finances from my husband.
He would never just be on an allowance and allow me to have control. I think because he knows that means big gambling would be even harder to hide and he would be done with binge gambling forever if I was in charge of finances. He wouldn’t say that, he just says it’s not a problem for him to quit, even though he has apparently been like this even before I knew him. He has lots of family helping him hide his addiction.
He still takes no responsibility in the choices he made and just blames me for the divorce and says it’s just me not being forgiving.
I am a forgiving person. I just thought my children would be worse off if my husband lost our home because of gambling. I had to make a hard decision and financially separate. I will now have to rebuild my life and make my way in the world and support my children the best way I can. This is not the easy choice. But I cannot trust him. He did nothing to rebuild trust. He could not give up control of the money. And he continued to prioritize his gambling debts over debts of the family.
It’s a long long story. He has been mentally abusive to me and financially abusive to me. If I had a friend in the same situation I would scream at her to LEAVE! I had friends screaming that at me, but I don’t even remember them telling me because I wasn’t ready to hear it.
I have grown stronger and more confident in my choices. But it is still scary and hard.
I pray that my kids will someday know I did this to protect them from the chaos and financial roller coaster.
I don’t think it’s my job to negotiate an amount of gambling that is right for him. I don’t think an addict can truly gamble again and be in recovery, but that’s just my opinion.
Best of luck to anyone that can do that. I try not to judge anyone, but I have lived through a nightmare. I know it’s hard for the addict as well, but I feel like it’s just as hard on those affected that didn’t choose this lifestyle, but have to pay the price.
