Thanks P for your post. I hope you are feeling better today! I am leaving this afternoon for the city. I will only be there for the night and then my Grandson and I will come back to my place. I had a busy day yesterday. I spent about 3 hours at Home Depot buying plant feed, outside tools, and I bought a new gas grill and a chest freezer which will be delivered on Thursday. I came home and unloaded everything and then did some grocery shopping for my Grandson and I. Oh, I bought the cutest bird house/feeder. I am going to let my Grandson fill it with bird feed and then we will hang in together in the backyard. My Mother asked me the strangest question yesterday. How does it feel to be able to buy whatever you want? I am not rich by any means and I can’t buy anything I want. I told her that in the beginning I felt guilty as the money came from benefits stemming from my Husbands death. Now, I feel like it’s alright to buy things as I know that he wanted me to not have to worry financially and he would want me to be happy! I don’t spend foolishly but I do have the luxury of being able to take trips and to live comfortably not lavishly. I am not a materialist person. Her comment was rude and I felt myself trying to defend my actions. I would give everything back if my Husband was still alive!!!! He worried about how I would be after his death and voiced this to both of our Daughters. It was just very uncomfortable!! I have bought her things and done special things for her because she is on a fixed income. I just was taken aback. Anyways, I am doing some laundry and cleaning up a little before I leave. Sometimes I feel very alone. I think that things are going good and getting better with my Mother and she says mean things. I told her that I was feeling like at some point this year that I am going to reach out to my Sister. She told me it wasn’t time as my Sister didn’t want anything to do right now with my Daughter and myself and not to think that I am getting a apology. I know my Sister isn’t going to apologize and I wasn’t expecting one. I also know that my Sister and I haven’t had a healthy relationship in years and that I would have to put aside a lot of baggage and try to have some type of relationship with her. My motto is, life is short. I don’t want to have to communicate with her when it is because of a tragedy, example, death of another family member. So, I need to think about my Sister and for now I will not make any contact. I need to think things over and decide what is the best for me to do. It’s sad!!! Well, sorry about the rambling. Good thing is that I haven’t gambled. I worked out Friday and walked on the treadmill for 30 mins. I could feel the burn!!!! Have a great day everyone.
