Thanks Monicau and Tina for your posts! You’ve both given me a lot of good advice. My trip to the city didn’t go well. My items (which are prized by myself) didn’t fetch much money. In fact, some of them I wouldn’t sell that cheap. I came home feeling a bit defeated! My banning happens tomorrow. I’m ready to do this. My counseling here in a rural area is very limited. I am going to change counselors as I don’t think that I am meshing with my current one. Oh, my family knows I’m a CG. They are too! I’ve made my addiction clear to them but they don’t get it. Monicau, I just got a prepaid debit card. I’m going to have to figure my monetary access out myself. I don’t have anyone to trust with that. I’m going to have to dig myself out. My finances were not the best before this. I’ve consolidated my credit card debt. I am making payments on overdue taxes. I’ve created a big mess for myself. And to think that almost 5 years ago, after my Husband’s death, I was debt free. I spent and spent the money I inherited. I did purchase my home and car and helped my oldest Daughter with a down payment. I spent till it was gone. When the money ran out, I charged up my credit cards. So my compulsions run deep. One thing that I don’t regret are the trips I took my Grandson on. I have all of those memories. My late Husband went to his grave with the belief that I would be taken care of monetarily. I am such a big disappointment. At this point, almost all of my monthly pension is going out on payments. It’s going to take me 4 years to become debt free. I need to stop this so I can stay debt free! I am thinking of getting a part time job but they are limited here and my Daughter can’t afford a babysitter. Maybe, I should put a ad in the local newspaper to watch another child in my home???????? I feel so much pressure and unrest. Good news: my Granddaughter is feeling better. She is eating better and her fever is under control. It felt good writing this, although it is long! Being honest is freeing.
