Geordie you are a very good man and always will be, thank you very much for your post it means a great deal to me, thank you for thinking of me and also taking the time to reply.
I am like you my friend and this addiction will kill us both unless we work very hard at fighting it the very best we can and in turn building ourselves a better life, I know and you know we are not bad people Geordie but we have an addiction that destroys all the good we have in us.
I am really sorry to hear you have had a really bad few months and if I am to be honest with you I have a really bad 9 months ahead (should be straight by Christmas) like you rightly say we justify things and in truth if I was to tell most people what I lost in one day 10 days ago they would say I should either be in a straight jacket or think I was the biggest liar in the world………however other compulsive gamblers know how sick we can get and in all honesty there are no limits. Made the first payment back to the loan shark on Friday and I wont lie this time but really struggling to come up with the money, I know as the months tick on all will work itself out and gambling will only dig the hole even bigger, this time the hole is very deep but I know I can recover, just need to stay focused and positive and keep working as hard as I possibly can.
Took my boy fishing yesterday and he caught the biggest fish he has ever caught (you should have seen his face) it was a 8 lb common carp, I was tired and got home from work at about 2pm but I was determind to have some quality time with my lad and we did, he loved it and so did I.
Just come back from a bike ride with my two lovely children and on the way back my boy fell off and knocked into a “65” reg Merc, the owner was outside watching and it got a bit messy, I said I would pay for the damage and the owner said yes you will in a aggressive manner, It was an honest accident and I told my boy not to worry I will sort it all out, he is now at ease after being very worried (accidents happen and that is just life) of course I am worried about the cost and all that jazz, the Mrs went balistic when I told her but like I said to her it was an accident and thats just life, I will sort it as I always do but feeling a little “got at” was only trying to have some nice bonding time with the kids.
These things are sent to try us as they say and I would be lying if gambling hadnt crossed my mind to win some money back to pay for all the issues but just for today I will not gamble as I honestly cannot be bothered in chasing money and throwing good money after bad……………all will be well and I have every faith in that, life is bloody hard work at times and it tests you to the max but just for today I will not gamble, day 9 today gamble free………this time I am some how stringing some good recovery time together and getting back into the mind set of when I was in long term recovery, as always one day at a time.
Geordie thanks once again for your kind words and maybe we can meet sometime and have a chat, you are a very good man and never forget that, stay strong and I hope both our lives slowly improve “one day at a time”
Wish each and everyone of you all the very best in the world, take care and speak soon.
Maverick