Thanks for the supportive words K.
Today feels different for me in someway, i have never felt this sick and tired of being a gambling addict as i do right now. The other times as much i was in turmoil at the amounts of money i had lost, it was more anger at the fact id lost, but still deep inside knowing that i thought i could win it back, did i think i wanted to quit? Ye absolutely, but deep down im not sure i truly did.
I can honestly say i dont want this life anymore, it is pathetic and soul destroying. Your happyness, mental health and finances resting on the turn of a randomly shuffled card where the house has an advantage and always wins in the end. It makes no sense, because its just that, senseless to the core.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired. I cant let this control my life anymore. I was on holiday a few days ago, having a great time, but even then the urge to play hands of blackjack crept in and one night after a few drinks this turned into a big loss and ruined the rest of the holiday for me and those around me. But forgetting the money, its the fact that despite being on holiday and having a great time my brain still felt the need for that rush, thats what upsets me the most now. Gambling has been number 1 priority in my life the past 6 months in every singleway and i want this to be the end.
I will no longer be in control of my cards, and have excluded myself from every single casino i know online. I have even took the measure to sign up and instantly exclude from ones ive never even used.
I want my life back
T