Thanks for the comment Geordie.
So i had a talk with my Fiance last night. We decided to sit down and look at finances for saving for our wedding. We decided we should clear the remainder of the credit card debt and start putting the repayments from each month into savings. It is a relief to finally be debt free, i also know it is like having a weight lifted off me, which is a dangerous time.
I know my subconcious will tell me that i am back to square one and i wont be able to do as much damage as previous, sure i can handle it and its great fun. Whats the harm in a little bet anyway, sure ill prob make even more money this time. What a load of b.s. I know what will happen, i know it is a place i never want to go back to again. Rock bottom is not an option ever again.
But i am learning and have learnt to deal with the “urges”. There is no way i am going to entertain gambling ever again. I never want to break her trust again, i never want to gamble again. I am lucky, gambling no longer defines me, it is still all around but i will not let it break me again.
Any way to end on a positive note, by the end of the month i will be debt free and heading in the right direction.