thank you for reaching out. I hadn’t gambled since Dec 31 2018, until yesterday. 4 days ago my gambler friend told me there is a way to get into the casino if you’re banned. Just park across the street so they don’t see your licence plate number when you drive in; Surely I tested It yesterday and it worked. I took 1000$ and sat at high limits blackjack. Seeing the same faces I used to see everyday, miserable, sad, distraught and empty. I climbed from 1000 down to 200$ , then back to 1000, then up to 2100. 1100$ profit wasn’t enough for me to walk with, because it’s never enough. I kept playing for another 2 hours and lost the 1100 profit, 1000 I brought , and pulled another 1000 off my debit and lost that too, lucky I had reached my limit for the day to withdraw. I walked out of there feeling that Samw feeling I never wanted to feel again. Angry, sad, numb, empty, desensitized. I had to cover A 2500$ bill I had to pay yesterday so my goal was to win 2500, that’s why 1100 wasn’t enough, I ended up losing that plus 2k if mine, now had to pay the bill so it worked against what I went to do. Why didn’t I Walk? Because winning 1000 was like a penny compared to the 10-20 I would win when I was in this life deep. I needed to feel that big win, and it never came, instead I felt the sorrow, self hate, self loathing, and self destruction that I never wanted to feel again. Now I realize I have to attend GA. My asdicrion is not cured at all, I went right back firing huge hands when I said I would have better willpower and know when to walk. I came clean to my gf that I relapsed, she is very supportive and will get me the help I need. I need to get rid of this for good. It has been over 100 days g free. No urge. But also no mechanisms obviously if something happened where I was having the urge to go, because I failed. Day 1 now, and seeking the help I need to get rid of this disease. i am a student and money isn’t coming in as fast as I want so I tried to get the easy fix of trying to pay off some bills but it never works out in the end. I hope you can find the courage to stop also, reach Out anytime and I will help as best I can. I want ya all to overcome this demon, gamble free life is the onlt life I want to live. This is my day 1, wish me luck. Thank you
