Thanks everyone. Some sobering experiences there though also a lot of courage displayed in facing reality.
This morning was really tough. I dragged myself to work but I kept thinking in terms of how long it’ll take to earn back what I squandered. I know that’s counterproductive but definitely the hardest part of this is accepting the money is gone and that there’s nothing to be done. My head is screaming that I need to get it back and then stop. Just like previously!
The only thing I can liken the thoughts/emotions to is grief. I really don’t mean to belittle that experience with the comparison. But the constant disbelief, searching for a way to “undo” what happened, running through events thinking “if only I had done x or y”, etc; it all feels similar. I’m definitely a “what if” thinker.
People were happy about payday soon but (like everything recently) all I could think was how it’s only a fraction of the amount thrown away. Anything with any possible monetary value seems like a slap in the face currently!