Thanks Charles and Cat for your posts. I like sharing my life and feelings here as I hope it helps others and it gives me time to reflect and learn from what is happening in my life and how I respond to it. Cat, my Mom rarely apologizes for anything she says or does. It is always someone else’s fault. Maybe that is why a lot of people in my family don’t talk to her. It always feels like a one-sided relationship and her anger and fury are scary at times. I look back at my childhood and my Mom would try to keep us in line by using guilt as her weapon. I think that is why I became such a people pleaser. I was always trying to keep her happy as she would have fits of rage and throw things and say terrible things to us. I was very shy as a child and she terrified me. She still uses these tactics to try to have control over others. She never learned or tried to communicate normally about anything. My Daughter called me earlier and we talked about the situation. She is very supportive and helped me process the incident. She is smart and has done a lot of work involving her feelings in her addiction classes. My Mom never forgets anything that she thinks was done wrong to her and she lets it fester. She lashes out and tries to make you feel as miserable as she does. My Daughter told me that I was doing the healthy thing in not feeding into her negativity and putting some space between us. She said if I woke up tomorrow and I felt I needed to stay away from her I should. My Mom will never call me, if I want to see her again, I will have to call or go see her. It really is a very toxic situation. I was totally drained today and I took a nap. Cat, being able to know that my Daughter is here for me is the positive of all of this madness. This is sad but when I hug my Mom she rarely puts her arms around me. I do the hugging and her arms are at her sides. I don’t want to become angry about this. My Mom really has no one to be there for her when she is sick, ect… My Mom is unable to be the kind of Mom that I would like her to be. I need to accept her for who she is. But I will not take her wrath.
