Thanks again Velvet, your words are very comforting.
My middle son is a bit of an enigma to me, he will tell me what my eldest son is up to but then join in smoking weed and has even gambled. How ever his personality is very different. He is much more in control of his actions. He is studying for his A’levels and is determined to do well. But I still feel suspicious towards him because I know that he too has lied to me about the weed and what he needs money for.
He spends most of his time with my eldest but is often threatened by him and they have had some physical fights. On one occasion my eldest threw a tv remote at him splitting the top of his nose open. They both have season tickets for their favourite football team and socialise together.
My youngest hates all the anger and upset in the house. It really upsets him. We spend a lot of time together. He loves to go to Costa or Starbucks which is becoming a bit of a regular on a Saturday morning 🙂 He is the one who keeps me sane. He is very loving and giving, the exact opposite of my eldest. He is doing his GCSE’s at the moment, has his own You Tube channel and loves anything to do with media and drama. He likes football too but doesn’t go as he says he enjoys it when they go and he knows we have several hours of peace and quiet together. He has his own circle of friends, all of whom see to be lovely lads.
I am still sticking to my resolve with my eldest. He had bought drugs on loan with the intention of paying it back with some baby sitting money. However he ended up getting more than he earned and so needed an extra £20. He has been begging me to give it to him as he is scared that he will get beaten up if he doesn’t pay it back. He called me a murderer when I still refused.
He then waved the £20 he had earned at me and told me I was making him go and gamble it as it was the only way he could get enough money to pay his debt.
He couldn’t wait to tell me he had won and had cleared his debt and paid his brother back what he owed him. ‘One in the eye for you mum.’
I am so tired. I just want it to be over. I just want him to be better, to be happy, to have pride in himself, to love himself.