Thanks so much to take the time to write such a thoughtful and personal response. I was feeling very weary the last few days but your words show such empathy . I finding difficult to express how grateful I am. I keep reading over your posts and find such comfort in your words.
Your words somehow give me courage not to lash out in anger and frustration. I’m trying to take control and not make emotional decisions. I have been reading this advice for years but wonder why its so difficult to do? In black and white living with a CG seems straightforward but its a minefield!! Not blaming myself and going over things is so hard to do!! Although I do know logically this is the case.
Your advice seems very spot on.I have read virtually everything there is on the net about how you should act when splitting with a partner and you have young children. None of it applies when one party is a CG gambler though and my biggest stress has been the effect on her!! I have thought about situations in the past and when I do not respond as expected with anger or challenge or with a reminder of his responsibilities as a father and it does have a much more positive impact as you have suggested. Its so hard to do though. As it seems ridiculous that a cg adult behaves like a child. You see an adult but are trying to rationalise that they are behaving like a child!!
I will bide my time with contact and maintenance issues. I’m unsure yet and usually respond emotionally and with regret even after many years of dealing with the addiction. When I take a step back I think how strange that I had not realised that I have also been doing the same things for years??? I think that is because of my focus on him. I now get the advice is to look after yourself. I feel a bit silly that its taken so long to grasp!
I believe tonight I will survive this misery and so will my daughter. That is due to your advice and encouragement. Our paths just may be different to what I thought.
I will keep on trying to think and not react to the words of his addiction. I find this immensely difficult to do. But now I find a place I can be honest about it it somehow becomes easier.
I feel much lighter tonight. Thank you.