Thanks for the comments. Its hard to say anything smart. Hate this period after you loose or better yet go again where you keep thinking about the failure you’ve made, I wish I had smt I could build with my own hands, something like idk repairing a car bumper myself. Am a software engineer and this whole virtual crap is sucking the life out of me. I am thinking wouldn’t it be great if i was in some car garage or similar today, surrounded by hard working people, constructing something with your hands, would get such an injection of smt positive… idk
@Ryan, yeah, barriers would be the main thing, I had quite a few in place but they failed this time. Like numerous ones in the past, the only one that was left standing this time was not to go for more cash. I do have a limit there for years now which seems that I wouldnt cross ever again. The thing attacked me and its gone for now, there is no another ambush behind the corner. But not really proud of that because who knows, could have easily been different scenario too, how can I trust myself. I want to work hard on making sure smt like this doesn’t happen again. I am seriously considering adding to what I have smt like regular Church visits, maybe some kind of charity work, animal shelter helping or smt, people can help themselves, I can see that as a resource where I would be feeling positive about what I am doing and at the same time in connection to harsh reality – not that im enjoying it. I think the main thing is to keep this sense of how dangerous this thing is, how consuming and deceptful it is. And thats what I have to say to people who have fallen victims to this IfI could say anything, its not your fault, this is some kind of evil’s doing and it took you as a victim, stop serving it. Its gonna leave you breadcrumbs of all sorts but will drain the blood out of you. No matter how deep it took you there is a light on the other side waiting for you, every day without it, every smile is a point you scored against it – winning the money back isn’t, it feeds of destroying you emotinaly not financially. Never forget how dangerous it is, its a monster and it will cloud your mind into thinking its not. It is going to call you back, if you resist it, its going to step up its game to lure you in… keep resisting it, next time it has you in the corner dont shut your eyes and let it scare you and win, resist it and it will go away forever… I know I am going to get into this situation sooner or later again, where it will somehow push me and Ill try to fight back… we all should. The deeper you are the bigger the achievement of fighting back will it be. Imagine one day coming to the doors of afterlife, and them asking you, so what can you do, what are you good for, will you, will I want to reply that I barely stayed afloat, alive and cornered by this thing or will you be able to say – I’ve defetead one of the strongest devils out there, I smiled in its face on its own playground, I’ve come so far that I managed to lead a good life after a period of complete darkness, and most importantly I didnt let it consume people surrounding me forever too. Its after them too.
*i apologize in advance to those who find spirituality annoying