Thank you for sharing! Your life adversities remind me of life when I was 18 … homeless … dealing with serious stuff … being forced to become an adult rapidly …
The strong desire to be free and feel free is natural … when it translates into huge risk we get into trouble … I’ve been in similar situations.
The vibe and energy of people here is sunshiny … i’m an energetically sensitive person … when i feel casinos and markets (my problem is online trading–a variation of casinos) I see and feel a numbing black hole … a sunken place …
That place wants to pull us out of what we really do think feel and love … the shame is overwhelming and it’s an incredible relief to bathe in energy that is the opposite of those people and connect with real communication/talk about real issues …
The gambling world is built on denial and deceit … leveraging profit on what seems to be a conjoined influence of biology and personality that lead us into this pitfall …
I know those feelings of burying my face in my hands and rocking back and forth slowly feeling numb isolated and worn down … those terrible feelings that have been trained to be responded to with a bet to gloss over them … slowly that deep sadness is responded to with constructive actions that address it directly and change it to real happiness/genuine freeing catharsis … little by little we can make that a new muscle memory for the subconscious …
Even if we feel depressed ashamed, lost, forsaken, or even unloved from early life experiences (or current ones) … those feelings never belong in the hands of these dark places … we gotta shield ourselves from them as much as possible.
Much love and support <3