Thanks for all of your replies. Support, and help with this guys. I haven’t gambled in 9 days, its been really hard. I moved in with two of my best friends and it’s helping being around them when I’m feeling at my lowest. They told me if they find out I gambled again, they’re kicking me out of the house. This alone really makes me not want to mess up. I’ve been to three GA meetings. And I have an apt on Monday for another gambling treatment program. It’s really hard because I keep thinking about how I let it get to losing every penny in my name. I keep asking myself why couldn’t I stop at a couple of thousand.. why did I have to lsoe half a year salary in 48 hours.
Why couldn’t I think of the pain gambling has caused me in the past, why did I never think of that before I relapsed. It just boggles my mind how last week was a blur… I had no self control, I lost all value of a dollar , I completely lost my mind in the midst of it all.. it saddens me. I keep saying it’s jusr money, but hearing people speak of vacations, buying things, even going out to dinner and party… makes me think I cannot do these things now because of the financial mess I put myself in , in just a couple of days because of this sickness. Now I have to rebuild. I am applying for jobs now, trying to stay busy, trying to workout and eat healthy, while really trying to keep my mind off my loss.. some days I want to just go try to win it back, because I have before, countless times I’ve been down and climbed out.. except this time I see it doesn’t always happen, this time I see it can wipe you clean of all savings, and put you in debt, chasing that -3k.. took me to -18k in 48 hours.. I never thought I could take it there. And I know, 18k.. it’s jusr 18k.. people have lost millions, but this is all I had, and part of it was the banks… it’s just stressful because it’s my own doing, I wish I could have. Stopped. I wish I could go back.. but what can I do now, stay positive, stay busy, work hard, and think of this feeling the next time I want to try to get rich off the flip of a card. Imagine.. I just wanted more money .. for what, being greedy cost me going into a hole and wiping me clean, it’s a dark place I never want to go to again. I have told many people what happened, some say I should keep it to myself, but I am an open book. I can’t
Hide things. Also I feel now that a lot of people know, I don’t want to let everyone down by relapsing, especially my mom and dad and sister, seeing them cry , because of my illness.. I went to make them proud, I want to make myself proud, I want to beat this , save, get my life back, and never look back. I want to use this as a lesson . The final lesson of my gambling addiction that wiped me clean of every penny in my name. I hope everyone can get through this, and I am grateful for another day gamble free. Every day I try to accept my loss and move on, until tomrorow. God bless you all
