Thank you, Vera, your input is always very much appreciated. For so many reasons, I know that it is important…crucial…for me for me to take a very firm and clear stance with my husband, and I struggle with the actual actions even though my logical brain part knows what it is best I should be doing.
I think that where he is at at the moment, is not looking for money or support for his gambling (but maybe subconsciously…and of course he wants to face minimal consequences – which I find so frustrating because I want him to accept responsibility for more of the consequences…of course), but that he isn´t aware of his patterns and the importance of not even having the risk there for a “just in case Scenario A happens”…Since he is most likely to gamble when he is upset by something, and he always overshoots the amount of money he initially goes in with (by a lot), then he doesn´t realise that he can say over and over again that he won´t do it any more because he is resolved not to, that it can quite easily happen under the “right conditions” if he has never been able to prove this with his actions so far. I guess, most important is that *I* know I need to protect myself (and these actions also protect him).
As is so commonly the case it seems, I do feel frustrated that he does not just take on more responsibility for the results of his gambling…he moves on fast after the remorse of an episode…although I of course understand why it is easier to bury it. I know I have helped in making it so much easier for him. So not doing it helps do away with my feelings of resentment…of course!
I notice that I am increasingly nervous as it gets closer to me returning to Cuba. I want to go, but I am very wary and I know there will be many ups and downs. My husband can be extremely foreful and willful…it is…hard. I also know that in many ways not very much has changed while I have been away in my husband´s acceptance/awareness of and the actions he is taking to combat his gambling. His words still sound very similar, although his gambling patterns have changed, but also so has his living situation. I know he wants to change, but he still has no idea of the scale of the problem, and hence the nature of the thing he is trying to change.
Step by step. Day by day.
Still, I need to focus on the positives and remain focused on my own best interests, and then how I can best support him. I do find myself wishing I had some form of support in Cuba, but I know that it isn´t there.