Thank you Velvet and Laura for your very kind posts .
I think I confused things a little – I feel no harshness or impatience towards those who are struggling with gambling .
I really just want to offer them kindness and support _- I know how detrimental hard hitting words were to me .
I feel the world is a harsh place and I need to become harsh to endure it . I suddenly realise what an unimportant little cog I am in so many systems which I belong to .
What makes me unimportant is lack of money .
Money makes you important in this world – its that simple .
Now that sounds bitter .
I feel my harshness is coming from understanding that I am nothing .
I am a dispensable cog in a big machine which doesn’t care if it has to replace a part .
It sounds a bit mad – and maybe it is a bit mad – but as someone else has said – recovery Isn’t much fun.