Thank you so much for your responses. It’s comforting to be acknowledged by others on these forums.
My work benefits cover the psychologist – unlimited visits and it is 100% confidential. I wouldn’t be able to afford it otherwise.
I am still gambling every day with hopes to win big and fix all my problems – ridiculous, I know.
I had a live chat last night with the psychologist to ask for some insight on what to expect with my first appointment and she said she has some behavioral exercises she will work on with me and some questions to determine what type of gambling addiction I have (I didn’t know there was more than one kind of gambling addiction) and come up with a plan from there. She said the direction of our session depends on my situation entirely. I don’t know, I’m feeling kind of good about it. I have some hope, which I hadn’t had before.
I have never been to GA, but I feel like my addiction is too strong for this option to work for me.
I was very close to admitting myself into the hospital on Monday, but couldn’t take the embarrassment of telling them why I was there. I am very worried for my well being.
My husband doesn’t want them to put me on any medications as he knows I have an addictive personality. I never liked drugs and can’t imagine becoming addicted to them, but he did ask me to do him that one favor (not to allow them to dope me up to try and fix the problem). I feel I owe it to him.
My mother will be here Monday and she will chat with him, he is very ignorant when it comes to my addiction so he could use some education on it.
My mother has been my saving grace through this all. She used to have a gambling addiction, although not as bad as mine she still understands completely what I’m going through. I’ve had to leave work to go to my car to phone her a couple of times when I felt a panic attack coming on and she was able to calm me down within seconds/minutes. She is paying my rent that I gambled away and is spending $600 on a plane ticket to come see me. Every morning when I get to work I have an encouraging and loving message from her. One day I will repay her in a big way. I can’t wait for that day to come.
I will keep you all updated and hold myself accountable on these forums.
Thanks again for reading. It does mean so much to me!