Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I wish I had seen your message sooner.
Unfortunately this isn’t my first time in a relationship with someone with an addiction. My previous boyfriend of 6 years was a cocaine addict. I stuck by him too but had the support of his parents. He did seek help and went into rehab for 3months. He came out a different person, he kept going to meetings every month as his rehab wasn’t that local but as he started to go less often the addiction got the better of him and he started using again.
I had to walk away from him and that relationship as I didn’t want that life for myself. It was horrible having to keep on building on that broken trust and the constant worry was driving me insane.
So when I met my current partner he was my knight in shining armour. He was just everything that I had ever wished for. So I think half of why Ive taken it so badly when he told me about his gambling is because of that. I panicked as I know this is a horrible life being with a partner of an addict. (More so one that hasn’t got help yet, I do know that some people manage their addictions very well)
Feeling a little sorry for myself, I couldn’t help but think that the universe had turned on me massively, especially as this time I have two children with this man and to be honest, this life with the gambling addiction has been far worse than that of my ex partner with cocaine. It’s a lot more conceited and calculated, I could tell when my ex partner had been using, I can’t tell when my partner has been gambling. He said that he’s ‘cured’…. he has no understanding of what a grip this has over him and that he is far from in control of this. That’s why I’m so frustrated as Iv been here and I vowed I’d never be here again! I just can’t believe Iv had the wool pulled over my eyes again! He knows about my ex partner too and the effect that it had on me on a trust point of view with relationships and I csnt help but feel like Iv been made a fool of.
I REALLY want to help him, but as Iv been here before (kind of) but I don’t know if I can live that life of constant panic and worry with young children. Especially as he is in denial that he’s ‘cured’. I’m far from an expert on addictions but I do have a good understanding of the constant work it takes to keep it at bay as such and I just dont think he’s there yet. I don’t also know that his parents, although they know about my partners gambling are going to get him the help that he needs. They are a little naive and I don’t think they understand that it’s not as simple as not betting again.
It’s so hard! And I’m so angry at how my life has ended up again!
I’m sorry, I’m feeling assively sorry for myself today!
Xxx