Thank you Laura for your post ,
Ok I have decided I am not in real recovery yet but I think I am tiptoeing towards it -I am a slow walker.
Today is day 17- it feels good to have clocked up so many days. It feels nothing short of miraculous .
Because it hasn’t been all that difficult and yet only a few short weeks ago I was writing that I am afraid I will never stop.
What have I done differently ?
I have written on here diligently and honestly ON MY OWN THREAD.
I have attended GA .
I have stopped ALL gambling and am super aware of anything that even hints at gambling .
I have taken steps to avoid triggers(people in my case ) no matter how difficult hat has been for me .
I have become more open in my finances
I have fixed any shortcuts I could have taken with my phone blocker
What have I continued with ?
I have continued to attend online groups and online chats .
I have not given up financial control
I have continued to pay for my phone gambling blocker
I have continued to post on other’s threads and encourage them where I can.
P nailed it – she always said if what you are doing is not working, add more . Laura , I think that is what you are saying also- if all the support I currently have is not enough , add more support,
I never thought my gambling was masking anything- today I am just realising that although I push myself to do stuff I feel afraid of a lot of situations- I was afraid to go to GA- I stayed online with Charles until I was in the room- i was afraid I mite end up in a room full or worse in a room with one or two dangerous men. I was afraid walking to my car after and kept checking none of them followed me – I know it must read very silly to others – a helpful text last week to tell me the venue had changed started a fear that I was being duped into going into an unsafe situation.- I really don’t feel very safe in life – I don’t think I have the quick thinking and energy to leave dangerous situations which I had in my youth – and yet now I have the wisdom not to get into those situations-
I think maybe if I went to counselling it might help with these fears- -but I’m kinda afraid to go …