[i-did-it]

Thank you Laura and Monica .
Laura the line I take tonight from your post has nothing at all to do with gambling … simply that children can be a worry.
I think maybe I was never cut out for this worry … kids bring so much happiness – but we pay dearly for it at times .
Nothing in life is ever free I guess .

I feel so useless sometimes – and it is then that I just want a big win. Money gives us such choices . I have thrown away my ability to choose. Money would be a very nice cushion right now .

Tonight I won’t sleep much – i am trying to feel the pain and live through it but the pain just turns to anxiety and the anxiety increases my pain .

Day 38 tomorrow – I feel like a failure, I feel impatient, I feel regret , i feel fear .