Thank you Kathryn Monica and Cathy for taking the time to post me .
I am feeling somewhat better- dragged myself off to a family event and tried to carry on. In a way it helped because I was out of my environment and for a while I could let go of the worries which I couldn’t do anything about anyway . I think I feel numb- like I can’t bear to think about what happened – no not what happened- what I did .
I would love to say that I completely feel never again but already I was shocked to find myself thinking all I need to do is make a bigger deposit so I can play for longer to win back –
I so wish I didn’t have this addiction- it’s a constant battle – I think it is time I did everything by the book- no short cuts, no maybes, no half measures. I need to throw everything I have at this . Everything .
I won’t know until tomorrow if I can get my finances back on track. I’m hoping my recent year of managing my finances and saving will allow me to get past this episode.
I hope to write a post tomorrow where I have taken all the steps I need to, have attended GA (my second meeting ) and am looking forward.
For today I’m here , I’m posting and I am trying to pick up the pieces.