Thank you Geordie and Monica for your great thought provoking posts .
Geordie , I made the point that I am not tarring all f&f with the same brush in all my posts (deleted or other) – I just wanted to clarify that –
I agree with you that once we cross a certain line many of us take on the character faults of the compulsive gambler – I have lied and I guess manipulated situations to cover up my gambling – and I guess I could have went on to become a pathological gambler- this disease certainly is progressive .
I maybe sometimes don’t like to admit to myself that I am such a sinner – and yet the truth is liberating . Maybe I’m not ready to face all my faults at once – they are too numerous .
Maybe blaming f&f is another part of my journey and one which I need to travel … I don’t know .
Anyway since I started this post my mum rang .
My elderly mum like me is a compulsive gambler .
I haven’t visited for a while – I needed space to work on my own addiction .
Going home has always been a stumbling block in the past .
I cannot believe I have done this but I just said to her I have joined GA- I am gamble free- I have money in the bank and I want to get comfortable in life – please don’t ask me to go to the casino with you .
Her response shocked me . She is absolutely thrilled and filled with admiration for me – I don’t remember her ever heaping praise so lavishly on me . She is still my mum – of course she wants me to have a good life .
I asked her if she would come to a meeting with me but she made a thousand excuses – that’s ok .
I am looking forward to my trip home – my mum is the only person in my life who knows I have been attending GA- her response is so encouraging .
So I guess I am becoming more honest – I have told one person the truth ! Lol .
My f&f would not be supportive – my f&f would enjoy nothing more than to throw it back in my face – not because he is hurt from my gambling but because he can!