Thank you for the compliment Sara. I’ve always been told I was intelligent, but smarts and talent crumble in the face of low discipline. I feel like I have lost all my discipline, willpower, and focus. All I can think about is getting my money back, literally. Of turning back time. And having abandoned my job before, I will probably have to settle for a lower-income job for a while before I regain the trust of people in my field. And I basically pushed my girlfriend away, because I felt she was distracting me from trading (gambling).
I’m just so ashamed of myself right now. Everything was going pretty well, and then out of nowhere this happens and now I’m back to square one. It makes me wonder if I should even try. If I get on my feet again and something like this happens again, what’s the point?
I used to be so mad at my father for gambling away the family’s savings repeatedly over 30 years. Now I’m terrified I’m next in line, and there will be no escape. It makes me want to just do the bare minimum to get by in life, or just check out entirely. These are strange thoughts, but I can’t seem to control what goes through my mind anymore. I was always known for my ironclad self-discipline.
This really is a disease we’re talking about.