Thank you everyone for your kindness and support. I think that there are ways around barriers if you want to gamble bad enough. I found a way unfortunately. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve been a unhappy person for many years. I feel that when I was dealing with people that I love addictions that I lost myself and my happiness. It started 13 years ago and included a infant, my Grandson whom we parented for 5 years. It changed me completely. A lot of pain and uncertainty, loneliness. Trying to keep a marriage together also..my Husband’s death. I don’t think I’ve dealt with things in a healthy way.
My whole world was turned upside down. Instead of learning, I jumped into addiction myself. I could have been a drug user, alcoholic, but I choose to be a gambling addict. Tears are falling now as this is so painful. Today, I was in the middle of family drama concerning my youngest Daughter. Believe it or not, my Mother and I are on the same page with this, only our approach is different. I’ve been through a lot of counseling through the years. There are 2 counselors in town. I’ve seen them both, multiple times. I feel like they are not knowledgeable about addictions. This week I have to deal with the aftermath of my slip. The overdraft fees, ect. I’m putting things into jeopardy. I think I can cover everything this month with my direct deposit on the 15th. I really didn’t want to wake up today. I’m ready to go on to the next life. But i woke up and have to face everything. I’m very miserable and unhappy. I never have found my niche or place in life. I have no passion. I need to live my life for me and find my happiness. I don’t want to go on like this.
