Thank you for your words of support. I need it right now. I feel like a complete fool for letting this happen to my family but also an emotional wreck and completely unable to cope right now.
I have now spoke to my husband. He says he did stop for a while and that he self excluded from a number of sites. But then he got ‘bored’ and joined new ones. it would appear (though I don’t know what to believe) that he is gambling less, but with larger amounts. He says he will stop (again) and he says he will seek help. I have directed him to this site.
I also have told his family. They are very saddened. I think they will be supportive once they get over the shock but at the minute he has been ‘told off’ from what I can gather. His dad is his ‘gambling buddy’ they go to the races etc and so I think he will be really upset about this too. I only managed to text him as to talk is still too hard for me right now.
He said he will join support groups etc but I have heard this all before. For our whole relationship I have co-ordinated everything for us, buying a house, choosing holidays, picking the bloody sofa, writing his CV, choosing the kids Christmas presents, buying their clothes, buying his bloody clothes………… I’m all out of faith. If I can’t do it for him, then I just don’t believe he wants to stop gambling that badly.
I keep trying to use the kids as my sense of reason. If I stay they have a loving father figure, but he could potentially cost them their home if this continues. Or I cut and run, they still see their dad (but less frequently) and I will be skint but in control, with a bunch of logistical issues (such as school run problems) and without the love of my life (as was, I’m not sure he is the same person I married).
I have told him how I feel. I have told him that I am broken. I don’t even know if he will even bother to try and fix this or if he is even in love with me and if this is his way of escaping.
Sorry for off loading. I am still in the ‘cry when I try to speak’ stage so just typing this is quite therapeutic.
Gem