Just because you wanted to gamble, doesn’t mean you gambled, FG. Don’t punish yourself for wanting to go.
I understand how you felt after your birthday dinner and the opening your gifts. None of the parcels you unwrapped contained what you felt you really desired most. For a CG , I think there will always be “something missing”. I remember coming home from social events and feeling “All I need to ‘top off’ the occasion is a little gamble” . The ” icing on the cake” so to speak. A sort of restlessness would set in and in hindsight, every other part of the evening would seem boring.
I call this the “spoiled child syndrome”! Santa leaves every toy in his sack and yet he/she wants the toy he didn’t leave. It’s the fall out from The Garden of Eden , FG. Concupiscence! They wanted the one thing they couldn’t have. The Forbidden Fruit! I often crave that “fruit” too and I think this could be at the root of most addictions. Craving for things we have no right to. Desiring to eat what for a CG has become the “poisoned”fruit .
So FG, tough as it sounds you and I, m’darling will have to learn to live without our “buzz” and you can be thankful you have a husband who listens to your yearnings. When I quit in 2008, I devised all sorts of plans to replace my gambling and begged my husband to stand by me. He didn’t get it so all the plans flopped.
If I success, I did.
If I fail, I also did it.
Today, I must learn to stop “buzzing”!
Today I will not gamble!
