I feel a bit fragmented right now … and I think it’s simply because of temptation. I’m feeling a little mellow, and I note that the temptation to do something that feels like a gamble/can go either way/indecisiveness is pulling on me.
There is like a frozen state of attachment to indecision/emotional waviness where clarity isn’t present that I feel hooked into deeper down … like a gravity pull to move certainty/clarity into uncertainty and washy/foggy possibilities …
So I’m just taking the time to write about it here and move my mindset and emotional drive back deeper into a framework of where I know certain joys are … qi gong, music, doing work on my businesses, etc. … I feel the current voice of gambling/that black hole trying to pull me back in right now … nothing new. Just know that every time I write about it and dig those feelings out/interact I’m more likely to stay safe in what I’m doing. It can feel like the paralyzing feeling of “time to go” … so I’m taking extra time to wait on the outskirts of things … it’s not time to be involved with markets/trades right now, but it is time to wait “today — i will not gamble”. There is nothing that feels like a guaranteed or favorable result that I can see or gleam from those charts now. My senses are telling me to stay out — in the past I haven’t acted on this and watched myself be victimized from the need for action and to hold on and stay in. I won’t be doing that this time. Out means out. Wait means wait.
Generally I am capable of being patient … I know with cravings I can feel like my patience disappears or comes under assault from all forms of draw and pull to do something/step into what doesn’t feel right (gambling) or to use all the patience up on holding out/staying involved in what I’m doing (holding an overleveraged position/bet I shouldn’t be). So in this moment I’ll be focusing on redirecting the virtue of patience toward patience with money not to gamble. I can wait on the sidelines and clear my mind.
One day at a time.