Hello Jack and thank you for posting here. You sound pretty desperate and I think it is important that you reach out to someone. There is Befrienders .org who will have the helpline number near you – and they in turn may know of organisations local to you that can help. You can also speak to people on a 1-2-1 here. If you read around the site – you will be able to see the practical things you need to do to stop gambling – banning yourself from gambling sites, restricting time and finances – but I think the thing you need is to feel you are not alone with this. We gamblers tend to be solitary people. Whether it is on-line or even in a casino – we prefer to just be with the machine or the event – rather than having to interact. But in order to recover, we need to reach out.
You managed to stop on your own for 12 months and that is a great achievement, but staying stopped is what you want and I think that means looking at what is pulling you back to gambling time and time again. GA will help by hearing other people’s stories and feeling part of the community of recovering gamblers. Counselling, through your medic or via a local gambling help organisation (again befrienders may help with this) or finding some other non-judging, supportive group perhaps through another interest.
You will need to tell your wife at some point. It might be as well to get some support before you do this as it will be painful for both of you. She can get support from the friends and families forum here – and there are group sessions on-line here. Also GAMANON is often available for relatives alongside GA meetings. Please talk to someone as soon as you can and unburden yourself. It would be great to hear how you are doing, either by posting here again or seeing you in one of the on-line groups. I wish you well.