Hi Ray,
Well hopefully you’ve learnt that quitting gambling isn’t as simple as “ok I promise I will stop now.” Yes at that moment you feel 100% confident that you’ll stop but we know time will always tell an entirely different story. It starts with boredom or a stressful event and your addiction will tell you it’s ok to just play a little bit “for fun” and even set a time/loss limit for your session. This is just the trap to get you started back on that rollercoaster that digs your hole just that little bit deeper each time you go for another ride. We all know this inside ourselves yet we trick ourselves into thinking we are in control every time. Ray, you MUST self-exclude (especially if you are not handing your finances to someone else for control). You are in a very dark place right now and I get it, it’s living hell down there. You’ll feel physically and emotionally sick from the big loss (huge losses over small times are very psychologically damaging) and you need to grieve this loss. Not just the loss of your savings but the loss of your former self that you are proud of.
Time will make things easier but your primary concern should be preventing yourself from all triggers or ways to access gambling. Keep posting here and we’ll be here to support you along you way but ultimately this is a battle only you can win by your own efforts.