I realise how the stress of the travel and the strain of a job that was well paid but not right for me is triggering me plenty. I feel drained and stuck but not broke as got 3 days pay yesterday and had a nice Thai meal today. I had a psychic reading this morning which is something I lost belief in a long time ago and have not had one in years. but I felt quite desperate with the uncertainty of everything, I needed to know that things were going to be Ok. She said what many people say, that I am meant to be a healer, hah not like I haven’t tried …. she also said that my energy isn’t right and that the job was wrong for me. She said I was a wide open empath who felt everything, she wasn’t wrong there either, she also,said that a job would appear in late May which would be a supportive environment. I now have to ring universal credit and let them know.
It 8s like I keep trying and it keeps going awry but I hw e to take the good, I could not have survived this month without going to,work. Now I,owe my son a few hundred quid for helping me to go to,work.
I also learned this week from Kai, my middle son, that my eldest plans did not include moving in with me, he is actively seeking a flat with a friend of his he used to live with. This has also thrown me into disarray and I will need to have a conversation with him.
At least I have been adult enough to quickly,admit defeat with the agency and the job, I faced it and a difficult conversation with the agency. They were paying me less than the previous person who held the job and they also charged me 50 quid a week for the privilege of weekly pay. I wanted to terminate with the agency as well. Best to stick to ones guns. The problem is it all makes me wonder where I should be and what I should be doing, Am I decrepit? Pete says no, some 33 year olds look more haggard than me, but I am feeling it, boy am I feeling it, I tried, I really tried,so hard. It was so tiring and the job and people were not nice. I think idis idea of a charity
Is a good one. Deep,inside I know I don’t want to go back to the old working life, trouble is it’s so well paid ….
