Hi
It has been several months since I have been here but I wanted to let you all know how me and my children are doing.
My ex started sending me lawyers letters in April last year and we attended various child welfare hearings but I would not give up or be bullied by him so I continued to tell the truth to the sheriff and my children were interviewed too.
In November, the Sheriff agreed with the reporter and did not award my ex contact with his daughter. She told the court reporter she did not want to see her daddy as he stole money and got drunk and was scary. I cried when I read her words but know they are her words and not mine as telling the truth is so important and I have always insisted on 2 things my children don’t do – tell me lies or disrespect me, we have our moments but they know I hate lies.
So my ex has only been allowed to send our daughter letters and well, he has been doing that every single month and I strongly believe the letters are not a sincere way of getting in contact with our daughter, but it is instead , a way of keeping the contact with me. I have not shown my daughter all the letters are it upsets her and when I have asked her again if she still feels the same about seeing her daddy she told me recently “my daddy needs to regain himself and I don’t want to meet him because I have a good family and my daddy hurt us” oh my. a clever young girl but again, made me cry.
So, I re read the serenity prayer over and over and used the word courage to change things as I have felt like my ex just won’t ever leave me alone so I walked into a police station and I disclosed all the incidents of domestic violence and abuse against me, I had previously told the police and court about the gambling, debt, effects, my words on this forum…I was now needing help from the police to keep my ex away from me.
He has been charged with 4 domestic abuse offences against me, he pled not guilty (despite me having 8 witnesses for one incident). He appeared at court and pled not guilty again. He is now putting me on the stand, along with my childen, and I am facing the criminal court in 2 weeks. He once lied and lied about gambling. Now he is going to lie in court about assaulting me and I am having to face another court process again. I do have protection in place just now as the police have granted this and I am grateful as I am extremely anxious about how he will react.
I am so very scared as I have never been a witness before and to re live traumatic incidents is causing me to be unwell as I am not sleeping well, am very anxious and I know how lawyers can twist the truth, especially as they have my ex’s version of what happened. However, I will tell the truth. I had injuries,his parents seen bruises he gave me but I remember clearly his dad asking me “how do we know you did not do that to yourself?”oh it is exhausting.
My 15 year old has needed extra support and I have referred her to counselling through the school. It has been over 2 years since her step dad was asked to leave the house and she has , for the first time, wrote an essay at school, all about gambling , the increase of his alcohol and what we went through. She called it “the girl in the mirror” and wow, was it powerful. 2 years later and now my teenage daughter is talking and when she could have written an essay about anything, she did her own life and the effects gambling has had on her childhood. Writing and gaining support has been my therapy. I am glad she has been able to write too.
My son, aged 17, is having to testify against his step dad too. I wish I had the power to stop that but my son witnessed a lot that he should never have but it is not often until you are out the relationship that you see just how bad it was. Surviving is the word.
I feel as though I am still surviving the now and want so much for it all to end soon. My daughter writing about gambling just recently brings memories back, I am now in a criminal court process because I chose to do the right thing and stand up against the bully and tell the truth.There has been a heavy rope hanging around us, keeping me from moving on, as I try to forget about the addiction, the abuse and the lies and reach the top of my mountain.
Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it. And I really hope so because I am tired of the tears, of the anxiety and fear.
I used to be frightened of the letters coming through my mail box, of the knocks on my door, of the unknown (until I worked out my ex’s games and lies and deceit) and now I am frightened of his reactions, unpredictability, his lies in his court but I have support, some strength and a determination to move on with my life. I just can’t believe how tough it still is but one day at a time jenny t, still one day at a time.
Thank you so much for listening.