Steev, Kin, Charles and Lizbeth your replies are really appreciated thank you very much.
I gambled and messed up……..again…..it’s not the first time and really hope it’s the last……as always that’s down to me and only I can control that outcome but I can use all the tools I can to help me in my quest for a better life !
I have worked out my recent triggers…….drinking silly amounts of alcohol didn’t help my cause as I seemed to loose all my senses and hit the self destruct button, it had been building up inside on me for a few weeks, I had alot of family stresses (lost another person close to me) work stresses (will always be the way as just the nature of my job), health issues (we all have them) but the problem was I didn’t talk to anyone about them, I didn’t share with anyone and therefore kept them to myself and in the end just overloaded and let loose in a silly gambling rampage and in turn did some major financial damage. I had been doing well, going to meetings, managing money, was in a very good place to be honest and had just started to enjoy life again……………you all know it I know it……….gambling destroys life’s there is no happiness with it………gambling and unhappiness go hand in hand I know this I am not a silly man I promise you all that……just a recovering compulsive gambler, I have always said it that if I didn’t want to stop I wouldn’t be here I wouldn’t go to meetings, I wouldn’t put barriers in place but I do want to stop and have done for years.
I mentioned along time ago years ago now something just clicked for me wanting to gamble to wanting to stop, sInce that day I have been in recovery because that’s where I want to be…….yes sure I have slipped / gambled many times over those years but have always got back into recovery, this time I think I also got a little complacent…….let my guard down……stopped posting……cut down / stopped meetings………everything just started to fall back into old ways…….almost no barriers……..not trying to test myself but I suppose in some way I was, anyway thanks again for posting and reading will always wish you all well, keep fighting it’s the only way.
Take care
Maverick