Status Update:
Been away from here a few days. Just working, trying to get my head straight. I go through these roller coaster emotions many times. Much more has happened this year than I have given here. All of this plays a part of my mind set and emotional state. But at least as this year drags to its end I am starting to get a clearer view of what I need to do and where I need to be with my life.
Starting from nothing is hard but also means I have freedom to do what I want and need. I have no friends not 1. When your on the up everyone wants a part of you. When you slide you really do find out about other peoples nature. But fact remains I am isolated. I have a fragmented family for 1 reason or another and wake up many mornings thinking how can it be at my age mid 40s that I have no one in my life ? It can be crippling.
Tonight is fireworks night. Family’s out, people having fun. I dread it. As I dread xmas. I will stay inside and work. Every $ is one step further to rebuilding and a ticket to go see my son.
2015 will I think see me exit the UK. There is nothing for me here. My father is off to see his family in Italy early December for a month. I am so glad for him. Slowly he comes to terms with the death of our mum. For me its about quitting gambling for good and trying to rebuild my life before I run out of energy. Rant over. 🙂