My feelings and sensations of a deeper underlying sorrow in my heart … are growing recently. Kinda intense.
The feelings are intense and their numbing medicine isn’t been used … I feel like my heart wants to cry deeply … to push the great darkness away …
Can’t believe I’ve spent all these years with these feelings tucked down alone inside … stuffed away … seeped into the deepest part of heart body and brain …
And now it’s slowly starting to ooze out … the memories ache quite deep … but the depth of awe and inspiration from seeing how far things have come since the beginning …
I feel like my heart wants to cry but my eyes are stopped up … intense sadness … and deeper spaciousness pouring through … It’s like watching a demon leave my heart and stepping away from it …
That “I absolutely must have this trade” feeling that covered that darkness up … whew … i don’t even know what to say …
Emotional spikes high and low outside of gambling feel more vibrant but more directly connected to the world and people around me …
Feels like a place beyond words …