Something just came into my head regarding your situation Monica – I hope you don’t find this offensive and I may well have got it completely wrong .
It seems me to me that you have found yourself in “prison”.
Pete is the prison guard who brings food to your “cell” and with good behaviour you get to go out and work in the kitchen:
He doesn’t give you much more than food – like with the prison guard he isn’t able to get close.
Many long term prisoners reoffend shortly after getting out because they simply do not know where to go or what to do once their term is served – the familiar routine of prison offers some safety in that they know the routine. So they end up paying for their initial mistake maybe forever. (Ours is getting sick with the wrong person ).
Am I talking about myself or you ? Prison has a kind of safe routine – we know what to expect which is little .
We keep “reoffending ” (gambling ) which keeps us in the safety of prison until one day something inside us decided that yeah- maybe we do deserve a life and only then to we have to find a new way .