Gambling promises something in exchange for nothing.
What gambling really delivers is nothing (less than nothing, actually) in exchange for something (a lot of things, actually).
It’s an illusion, a lie and a fallacy. Gambling takes away the very thing that it promises to deliver. Just like all drugs. Empty promises, all of them. The promise of euphoria, happiness, and riches. The delivery of a hellish nightmare of despair, hopelessness and poverty.
How on earth did I believe that over the long term I wouldn’t lose money? In fact, I had the arrogance and audacity to believe I could actually make money gambling. What a joke! Well, the joke was on me. I have been conned, over and over and over again. Next time I get another urge, I have to remember all of this, and also ask myself, what would I gain from another bet? What would be the point, really? Trying to prove something? To whom, myself? What would I be proving, that I am still an idiot? It’s all just a silly game inside my head, and I have no need or desire for that ever again.
Just finishing up day 20, and things are going ok for me now. Sleep is still hard to come by but the nightmares and waking up in a cold sweat are subsiding. At least I am starting to see gambling for what it truly is.