so on day 8 today but feeling terrible. no energy. no motivation. worried sick. Had a meeting with the psychiatrist yesterday and it looks like I have been differing undiagnosed clinical depression since my teens. I have poor coping skills and low sef esteem which have led me to be a gambling addict, as well as suffer other addictions. And I am now lost. I do not know where to go from here. How can I fix mself. Lets say I never gamble again – what future do I have?
I know that if I gamble it will be the end of me. But I feel like it is the end now anyway, so what would it matter? At least i would go out on a high as it were. But no, I cannot think like this. I must believe in a future. But I feel totally unemployable. What is the future? I’m losing the business, family, home everything. Why can’t I cope?
I just don’t understand why I didn’t see this coming? Why did I continue to find ways to play, ways to get money, time that sould have been spent working/ with my family etc. Why am i such a fucking loser?
I know this is a depressing post but I am just trying to get my thoughts out. I feel like shit. If I had qquit gambling when my wife first saw I had a problem I would have quit 3 years ago. Or last year in January, I knew it was a problem again. And in June of last year, or October of last year, or January of this year.
I think I must be suffering from withdraweel as I do not have access to playing, which is good. But I am craving it really bad. I am craving the escape. Just to forget.
God, I am so pathetic.