So I started reading his blog and then a book written by Lance Dodes, called, “Breaking Addiction. A 7-Step Handbook for Breaking Any Addiction.” The book is written from a career working in addiction treatment in the US. And it is making me think, and re-think. There is a whole chapter on advice for the loved ones of addicts. He challenges the theories of no enabling and tough love, and says that the individual situation/event should be considered and that…which remains consistent…the important part is always self-care for the loved one, doing what they need to look after themselves and remain strong. Then, the tough love and no enabling can be seen more in terms of for the loved ones to protect themselves and make their lives less controlled by the addiction, but not as punishment for the addict and not as anything to make that person suffer. The tough love and enabling have their role also in helping the addict to see that the situation is serious, although in many cases enough has happened that they really know that and it is more a case of admitting it to themselves. He dismisses the idea of addiction as an illness, a disease of the brain, and believes that it is…complex…and a mix of psychological responses to feelings of helplessness that the addict does not know how to control. Therefore any treatment, to have more than a small chance of success should involve therapy to help that person understand the source of these feelings of helplessness and find ways to come to terms with and tackle them in different ways than their addiction. I gaining a deeper understanding of the addiction, its roots and its triggers, then the loved one can better know how to relate to, communicate with, and support the addict, as well as the best strategies to look after themselves in the relationship. I don´t know what you think of this, but this is making me at least rethink tough love and enabling!
I will keep reading and see how I am thinking about things at the end of the book. I would be interested in input from others though. I guess the clear message is still self-care and doing things to protect oneself emotionally and financially in the relationship! 🙂