So despite everything inside telling me no, and feeling physically sick whilst doing it, i just gambled my last £1000 away. Still had that ridicolous sense of false hope we all get when despositing, ‘maybe this is the time i win my recent losses back and walk away happy’
It lasted all of 15 minutes. I broke down as my balance read zero once again knowing the magnitude of what i have again done.
I wont let this addiction ruin my life although right this moment it feels that way. And its going to take a lot of strength to get through it.
I have just self excluded myself from every account i have.
I have lost 10 grand in the past few months, and thinking what i could have done with the money makes me sick to my stomach and eternally ashamed especially considering my job is low income and day to day life is a struggle.
The losses hurt so bad, but i am trying to tell myself that me making the decision to stop here and now, will save me a lot more money in the future. There is no doubt the £1000s would keep adding up if i dont.