There were countless times after winning, I realize I was in trouble.
I could not stop myself thinking of gambling with all the obscene money.
My mind was always thinking and planning the next gamble. I have come to a stage right now where this is a real discomfort, torture and nuisance to me.
Strangely, the money I earn from hardwork does not give me this problem, but money from gambling was a trigger and curse.
Some time I just want to do nothing and enjoy the peace, calm and quiet. If I am always thinking of gambling, I cannot have peace and rest.
I just wish to be like a normal person where I can function normally. I want to be able to focus on other things in life and not only on gambling and more gambling.
I realize that I would struggle big time to stop gambling on my own free will after gambling for some time. I cannot control my mind and switch off.
The only way I can return to normal is when I have used up all my money and I do not borrow some more or when I did not start and place my first bet in the first place.
After so many years of torture, sometime I was really happy when I have lost all my money and I do not have to suffer anymore. I have really become sick in the mind.
Borrowing is a killer. Borrowing just make the gambling problem more serious.