Hi K
I just read your first post here on GT.
What strikes me most is that you are living a secret life.
Looking back and listening to people speak in GA, I can certainly tell you that secrecy puts an even greater strain on a gambler than the actual gambling itself.
The saying “We are only as sick as our secrets” is very true and most applicable to a gambler.
Honesty, openness and willingness are the key to recovery.
Is there a GA Group near that you could attend? (Gamblers Anonymous). Hiding behind a screen to gamble becomes a way of life. It can go on for years without coming to the notice of our families and friends.Using a “screen” in recovery serves as a protection in the early days but it can be equally unhealthy unless we use it to bring problems into the open. In my experience, it is only when we share our secrets that the illusion crumbles.
Gambling is a great illusion. It takes us to places beyond our worst nightmares.
My guess is that your wife knows more than you realize.
If she knows the full truth she can be your greatest support.
CGs cannot handle money so perhaps handing over the funds to her care could be your first step.
I wish you all the best in recovery. You have taken the most difficult step by admitting you have a problem.
To know that we are “powerless over gambling and that our lives have become unmanageable” is crucial information. To actually admit that this statements applies to me and you is the first step in recovery.
Keep posting.
