Here goes… I had 3 months clear of casinos and also 3 months prior to that. Anyway, I was using online resources and I could not log into a certain recovery site for days, also an online meeting was canceled and I really needed to touch based with someone about urges. Truth is, I could have found plenty of help. I think I was upset about relationship issues at that time and had not gone back to codependent’s anon for help. so there I was, having urges and emotional pain . I jumped into my care and drove to a far off casino ( I’m banned at all local ones). I had several hundred in my wallet ( bad move). I had my atm card ( another bad move). And in the course of a few hours I used the cash plus max. atm withdrawal. I was so much in the zone that I took out 2 cash advances for hundreds of dollars. I lost over 2 grand that day, the most I ever put in in one session. I have not been to a casino since then and I’ve been doing alot of work on my recovery and relationship(s) along with dealing with healing traumas of the past. I could have found a really deep bottom beyond my large loss but I just dusted myself off and dug in my heels . I had to take responsibility for my slip up and move on. Life has been challenging because as the days and months go by I am uncovering all the emotional baggage of my past which I tried to cover. Yes, I did heal and do some recovery work all throughout my life. But once the gambling set in it was dooms day. I’m happy to be here seeking support to continue. b62
