Some of your comments really spoke to me of my situation when I was gambling. The earning good money but driving a wreck of a car. Co-workers wondering how someone on a good salary can’t afford decent clothes or a good haircut. Holding down a full time job and then working in the evening, just to keep my head above water. Coming home to an empty place because a) I am too busy working to meet anyone b) I can’t afford to entertain anyway c) who would want to be with a depressed gambler …
That was me 20 years ago – I am in a very different place today.
So what must you do:
Firstly – if you are having suicidal thoughts – speak to someone. There will probably be a helpline locally through Befrienders International or the Samaritans.
Secondly – As Running Girl has said – bar yourself from the places where you gamble. Cut off your access to money except for essentials – make it as difficult as possible to gamble.
Thirdly – you said you came to this site before but didn’t take it seriously. DO SO THIS TIME. Treat stopping gambling as a life or death situation – you had suicidal thoughts! You are not happy with your life – it can be changed, it doesn’t need to end. I read somewhere that a lot of people who attempt suicide are trying to end the life they are living … not their total future.
So start putting as much energy into your recovery as you can. There are loads of resources here – check out the groups, one-to-one, other forum posts. Connect with self-help groups locally – usually GA but there may be others. Find self-help groups which generally help with problems (not just gambling) this might be co-counseling, gestalt groups, CBT (there is a SMART online group which some on here have found useful,) Mindfulness. Speak to a medical practitioner to see if there is counseling available in your area.
There is a wealth of support out there for you – make use of it. I wish you well.