Hey, time for an update 🙂
So this is day 16 already that I have not gambled. I must admit that the urge is already getting a little bit less & I am starting to feel more relieved. Before I quit, I always had these random moments during the day were I felt stressed/guilty because of money problems. This feeling is now pretty much gone & I did some nice things with friends (the bars are open again) and for the first time I could think like: wow! I can actually afford a few beers now without stressing. Really nice and didn’t have that feeling for a long time.
BUT on the flip side… I am also feeling more ‘guilt’ or I am just now starting to REALLY recognize how bad my life has been influenced by it. I can suddenly link A LOT of my problems to gambling. Last year I was depressed, I lost my relationship of 3 years and almost failed the entire year of school. I can now see that gambling is highly likely a main cause of this.. it hits hard.
Not only that, also the fact that I could have done SO much with that money to achieve my dreams. I just know that if I never gambled.. i would have never felt the guilt and stress that lead to my depressive thoughts and end of my relationship. I just feel like I would have achieved much mor ein life already, not only money related.. There are so many things I didn’t do because of money problems. I just hate myself for it.
How do you guys cope with that feeling? I’m happy and proud that I didn’t gamble for more than 2 weeks. That’s a huge milestone for me and I know I will continue. I have never been so dedicated in my life. But these thoughts just suck.. since I quit gambling I started smoking muuuuuchhh more weed (every day) because then I forget.
Hope y’all are doing great!