Hi Guys,
I am so sick of not having any self esteem. You guys are right on point, he is no good for me. Larry mentioned on the chat while he ( my "friend") lacks the social grace of returning the call his intention may have been to bring it to my attention and he may have been less than kind in his tatics.
I wish he really was my friend but the fact of the matter is he isn’t. I settle for the scraps he throws to me because I am so afraid of being alone and having no one to talk to. I wish I could give him a big kick. If I was in my right mind I would. Instead I called him to wish him happy birthday again in the hope that he would find a little time for me today.
"maybe later’ he tells me so I call him tonight, "im busy, I have some of the kids here with me and I have a lot of work yet to do tonight." I told him I would call him tomorrow. If i didn’t, I wouldn’t hear from him for days. There is no reason that his opinion of me matters so much so why does it? Why do I keep holding on to a "relationship" that is really not a relationship? I can’t make him love me, doesn’t matter if I’m a size 6,16 or 26, this will not change. I can tell it to my head, someone please explain it to my heart.
I’m in self destruction mode right now. I need to write this day off as a loss and consentrate on getting through the next two work days.
One chuckle today. Saw the chiro today. ( back has made a great recovery! Thank U Jesus!) He says his wife is always asking him about funny things that happen at the office. He said he told her about my soxs. Bet he told her about my butt too!
peace
bettie
