Hi Guys,
This is copied from Larrys post:
"You say that you gambled this time because you felt empty; you were upset; you hated your life; and that you have no one special to share it with, that you are alone and feel worthless without purpose. these were the same things that I was doing after I lost my ability to enjoy life, the same excuses for me to continue to throw my life away. When you gambled this time did you feel fulfilled, were you no longer upset, did you find a special person to share your life with and give you a feeling of purpose? Or did you return home with the same feelings."
To answer Larrys question, not only did I return home with the same feelings, I came home feeling 10x worse. The only person I found to share my life with was the bartender and waitresses who enjoyed the $1 tip for each beer they brought.
I notice a trend in my posts. Life passes day by day. Every time I have success I seem to sabotage myself. Self destructive, like I don’t deserve any happiness. Root causes I guess. I can get help but don’t move to do it. I’m not stupid. Help is a phone call away. But as much as I say on this forum, I am a compulsive gambler, maybe saying it to a total strainger makes it too real. Maybe it’s the truth that I am still hiding from and didn’t ever realize it.
P, Hockey, thanks for posting.
I went to see Jules today. What a sweetheart! We talked for hours like we were old pals and had known each other for ages. Funny, in reality I have few people in my life who I can call true friends, I have always had a hard time making friends, like I don’t really fit in. Maybe thats why I always loved "Rudolph, the red nosed reindeer." I have felt like a misfit toy my whole life. She said something to me too that I found amazing. She said I was very well liked on the GT forum. That made me feel like as mundane and screwed up my life is, theres still hope for me. Thank you Jules! Our little visit meant more to me than u can ever know.
Not really feeling up to it but I’m gonna check the chat, tail between my legs!
Thank you all for your support!
peace
bettie
